“Can mortal man be in the right before God? Can a man be pure before his Maker?”Job 4:17
I am but a broken clay pot before Your eyes – dirty, broken, and utterly useless. Who am I that I may be used by You? Who am I that You train me in Your purpose? Who am I to even dream that I could be used by You? And yet, I know this to be true: You have a purpose for me–even me, the most prideful and blind of people.
Your work is never in vain. I am saved only because of You. I am whole only because of You. I have a place and a family in this crazy broken-down world only because of You. You have brought me this far. Who am I to say where You must stop?
So much has changed this year. I do not know what the future holds but I do know that You hold it all–the future, the past, the present, all of the failures, all of the pain, and all of my broken pieces. You hold my heart in Your hands. What’s more, You see the blemishes on my broken heart and You take pity on me.
I am a wayward sheep. I fail and fail again. I blame other people and compare outward works just as much as any Pharisee. You have given me grace and I have wandered, dancing into the shadows of temptation. And You have had pity on me.
But now, LORD, You have turned Your head away from me. I want to feel Your face shine on me like I feel the sun’s rays on my back after a long rain. Teach me to hear Your voice. More than that, teach me to want to hear Your voice.
LORD, I want to know You like Job. I want to look disaster in the face and say, “still my God is enough.” I want to give my fears to You. I want to give my pride to You. I want to feel humble like Job did. Because You alone are God. You alone are Lord.
I was not there at the beginning of time. I was not there to give input on how man was to be made. And I will not be there to say how this crisis will end. Only You know. You planned it. And I believe You continue to have a plan for it. Because a world without You is a world of darkness and chaos and pain (Isaiah 8:11-22).
You are my only hope in this time of trouble. May I cling to You now and forever. May I look to the clouds, searching for the sun. May I yearn for You, the ultimate Sun, the ultimate Son, and the ultimate peace.
LORD, I am not my own. I am Yours to do and live as You please according to Your Will. Without You, I am nothing but dust and ashes. Lord, return to me. Return to Your people. Make me new. Make us new. Bring me to You. Teach me to be dependent, for You alone can save. May we praise You with a new fervor. May our spirit mold to match Yours. May we remember who You are. May we give You the control.
Recently, I’ve explored praying through the Scripture. So often I’ve found that the feelings I have and the troubles I face have been experienced before. After all, there is nothing new under the sun. I believe that the Bible provides examples of how we should and should not respond in the midst of trials. And more than that, those Scripture stories include the good, the bad, and the humbly honest. This prayer is in part based on Job but you’ll see other Scripture references too. I encourage you to find comfort in this prayer but also in the testimonies of the Scripture. Because I am not the only one to have felt alone from God. I am not the only one to have struggled to see His peace or His plan. The Psalms are filled with praise but they also hold deep prayers of desperation. There is a time and place for both. Where do you see yours?
So beautiful Abi. Thank you for your thought provoking thoughts.
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